10 Pastoral Care Teachers in Honor of Herb Hoff's Birthday: Marvin

The fifth teacher, in honor of Herb's 65th birthday, teaches something that comes with experience (something Herb has a lot of). Maybe it is the experience of the cross that "makes a theologian"? Tentatio?

5th Teacher: Marvin

Marvin taught me to shut up (at least with the answers).

Marvin was very calm as he revealed some of the more difficult seasons of his life. Every once in a while he had to compose himself quietly. I listened compassionately. I shook my head knowingly. I grimaced. After he shared something vulnerable I said, “I know.”  

Marvin said, “No, you don’t.”

Awkward.

Marvin was correct, I didn’t know. 

It would have been better to shut up and listen. Marvin didn’t need a pastor with an open mouth, but with open ears and an open heart.

This is the hard part. This is Spirit territory. Sometimes people need someone to listen. Sometimes they need someone to speak. Sometimes God has something to say regardless of what the person thinks they need. The pastor is called to discern the movements of the Spirit.

1. We have a God who speaks. We have been strong on this point, and probably don’t need to emphasize the preaching, prophetic, revealing work and word of God at work in the church. Still, many who are hurting or hunting for answers or direction are asking, “What does God say about…?” The care giver’s mouth can be the means God uses to speak his word.
2. We have a God who listens. It is not a betrayal of the truth or of doctrine or of the Bible to shut up. Psalm 39, 54, 61 and others as well say something like, “Hear my prayer, Lord.” God in his word gives voice to this need. Many who are hurting are also asking, “Does the Lord hear me when I pray?” The care giver’s ears can be the means God uses to assure the sufferer of God’s greater hearing. Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar all had things to say to Job, but at the end of Job 2 it says, “And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (Job 2.13 ESV). John Piper wrote a poem on Job and puts it this way:

Through seven days they sat,

And wept with Job, so broken that

They could not speak. Job felt the power 

Of silent love, and every hour 

Was like a gift. (John Piper, The Misery of Job and the Mercy of God. Crossway 2002. page 51)

Part of the care givers detecting comes from a humility about being late to a story that has already been happening for sometime. They say “fools rush in.” In regard to care, I might alter it a little, “Fools rush in and talk.”

"The pastor knows, therefore, that he comes late to the conversation; he must make time to learn what has gone on in the past before he moves the conversation ahead" (Harold L. Senkbeil, "The Art of Spiritual Evaluation: A Framework for Understanding the Health of the Soul and Its Cure." Christ's Gifts for Healing the Soul: Toward a Lutheran Identity in the New Millenium, 2001).

Here are some potentially helpful diagnostic questions to help the care giver in discerning the movements of the Spirit:

1. If I was listening in on Jesus as he intercedes at his Father’s right hand, what might he be praying for this beloved child? I often ask the Lord, “How are you praying for __________?
2. Is God listening or speaking to this beloved child? Is my call to speak love or to Piper’s  “silent love”?
3. Is what I am about to say “for me” or “for you”? God is a FOR YOU God (Romans 8.31), but when I am in conversation with someone, I am often motivated by what will make me feel better than what will actually help the care receiver.